Awkward.

I felt sexy last night. I had matching panties and a bra, black. It was hot. I dressed like that thinking about you. Even knowing you would never see it.

I am so over my breaking heart for you.

You know what I miss...

I miss cuddling. I miss being imitate. I dream about it. I long for it. I look for you.. In everything. I dream about you walking into the room, wrapping your arms around me and letting me fall asleep in your arms.

Ah, but sadly this is all a dream. I know it's wrong. I know I should behave but you make me want to kiss you and you don't even do anything. Just me wishing for something that I know is never going to happen. " The words we never speak are the ones that hurt us the most."

So close...

I love being around you. I don't know what or why it is but I do. Maybe love is too Strong of a word, maybe I should go with enjoy with so much happiness that I might explode!

Either way I talk about it, I get really happy. You make me smile and I get to laugh. I know you are an awesome friend and that's all this could ever be but sometimes I don't know, sometimes I find myself wishing for more. Even though, I know that's not possible.

I find myself being ... Well being me. Emotions and feelings and all...

I wish I knew what they meant.

This feeling...

I can't explain anything I am feeling anymore. I want to dance and sing and be happy and jump and do things people when they are happy but I don't know if I really want to.

While I am happy or whatever it is that I am feeling I am also so sacred of everything that could destroy my semi state of being happy... And I don't even know why I am happy when I feel so alone maybe it is because I am cleaning and starting to make this house feel like a home or maybe it because I am starting to discover who I really am...