Just a little hello.

I have been extremely busy these past few weeks to really update anyone on anything.

I started my second class at Ashford on Tuesday and its English. Anyone who knows me, knows i suck at English. Right now though I seem to be doing better than my first class and I am pretty excited about it.

Family life has been going pretty well. My mom and sister finally got iPhones so we can FaceTime and I have been able to "spend more time" with them. It's been great. My sisters birthday was this week. I can't wait for her to get her gift. Don't want to spoil it but I am pretty excited about it.

Work is lame. Just FYI. I work way too much.


Lady on the street but a freak in the bed :)

I am going crazy since its 0115 in the morning! :)

To my future children.

Dear my Future children,

I promise to you that when you are here with me, that you may not always be happy with me but you will be loved. You will not bully other children, you will behave in public and you will respect others. I don't want to raise bad children. I want you to grow up to be responsible adults but also have an amazing childhood. I want you to be happy, loved and always be a kind person.

I don't want to raise bad children. I don't want to raise bullies. I want my children to be the ones who stand up for others.

I haven't met you and I don't know when I will but know that I will love you with everything i am. I love you and I haven't even met you yet.

Love always and forever,

Your future Mom.

Limits?

I feel like everyone has limits. That we all reach either sooner or later and once we get there all hell can break lose.

Just like my life lately has been one thing after another pushing my limits. First it was my work schedule. It was constantly changing. Next it was people who wanted to call me their friend but would only call/text if they needed something or especially a dd because they know I won't drink when I am out ... And if I do, it isn't a lot and I am still able to drive home. Shoot though, I wish I could just let go. I want to have a good time. I am so over being responsible. I want to be the fun Amanda...

I have so much to do. I have so much to learn. I have so much sleeping to do....

Thunder and Rain

It's days/nights like this where all I want to do is be wrapped up in you. It's thundering so much outside and it's shaking my house... Super surprised my dogs aren't barking like crazy right now.

That's beside the point, I am just looking for reasons to avoid what's really on my mind. I am being lied to a lot, I don't like it. I am sure no one does but honestly everyone has their breaking point and I am at mine.

If you are my friend you can tell me anything. Ill keep my mouth shut if you ask me too. I won't share your secrets and I will keep them yours. BUT YOU DIDN'T TELL ME ANYTHING. I had to find this out over Facebook and it involved me. I feel like that should of been the first thing you ever told me. I wish I could go I to detail about this because I am sure you all think I am talking about Nate but I am not. It is someone else, someone I thought I could trust.

Clearly I can't. It makes me sad but it's the way things are.

Rain and thunder, you are so peaceful to listen to as I fall asleep. At least you are always there for me.

holla!

Clearly, I suck at updating this thing. I have so much to say but it all comes to me at like 10ish and I am nah I'll do it in the morning but the morning gets busy and if anyone else just realized it I believe I am making up excuses... 

FAMILY

OH the wonderful things a family can do and what they mean. About a month ago we lost the rock in our family. My grandma. She passed away from a long hard fight of cancer. She is the most amazing woman you could and ever will meet. I love her more than words could describe. It breaks my heart that I didn't make it.. but I can't really go into that here. Just know that she is missed very much but everyone in my family.  
Family, isn't just blood though. I have recently discovered that I have an "Ohio Family" also. People who even though they act like butts, actually really do create a semi dysfunctional family here. I have honestly met some of the coolest people ever, that I am going to be scared of leaving when and if the time comes.. but PCSing is a long ways off for me at least.. It just makes me sad to think about. 

LIFE

So, whats going on with me? Lets see, I finally have my 5 level which basically means I get to do more stuff on my own and be held at a higher standard when training others. Its been fun... so far. I have a cat now. Her name is Gracie. She is a bug, whines at everything and is seriously the cutest thing ever. Even if she chews up tags on new clothes and attacks the water in the shower. She loves water, just FYI. Bella and Peanut are doing great. They are almost over having a cat in the house but Bella still wants to play with Gracie. So that is always an ongoing battle but they get along so I am fine with it. 

I started eating healthier. Started with a grocery bill of about $149 but I have started. I got a lot of fruit, chicken, fish and juice. Thats something I noticed, I always forget to buy veggies when I go grocery shopping. I sometimes forget to put it on the list or I remember it as I am walking in the store but never go to pick it up. Silly me. Limited Veggies until next paycheck. :) But I am happy to be eating well. Yesterday I made a sandwich with pickles and mustard. I was in heaven. It tasted so amazing. Tonight I am thinking about making something a little more heartier because I get off work at 10 and I don't want to eat when I get home. 

SCHOOL! I finally did it. I am enrolled at Ashford. It is pretty awesome. I am currently in a PSY 202 class and as much as I love writing about myself... (ha ha) It has actually been kind of hard. A lot of reading and having to cite the book is super annoying because if I have to cite it, it doesn't feel like my writing it feels like the quote from the book was just placed there. I have always had that problem with my writing. It never really flows easily. Always a hiccup somewhere. 

Well I am off to get ready for work and I can here the puppies starting to stir. Have an awesome day everyone. 

Awkward.

I felt sexy last night. I had matching panties and a bra, black. It was hot. I dressed like that thinking about you. Even knowing you would never see it.

I am so over my breaking heart for you.

You know what I miss...

I miss cuddling. I miss being imitate. I dream about it. I long for it. I look for you.. In everything. I dream about you walking into the room, wrapping your arms around me and letting me fall asleep in your arms.

Ah, but sadly this is all a dream. I know it's wrong. I know I should behave but you make me want to kiss you and you don't even do anything. Just me wishing for something that I know is never going to happen. " The words we never speak are the ones that hurt us the most."