Little Miss School Girl over here.

AHHH!!!

OH MY GOODNESS!!!

I am so close to starting school!!! I am going to be doing online classes and I am so excited.

Now I just have to decide what I am going to do. I was thinking Marketing again. I understood it and I wanted to make people happy and just enjoy my work... and I could still be a buyer... I could move to where I want to go...

BUT then I am like I want to be teacher, nurse, scrub tech, and so much more...

I just wish I would make up my mind.. I need to decide..

Credit. You can go suck it

I hate credit. Like no joke. I don't have any credit cards, I have one school loan that I am working on playing back but all of the credit cards I had have been paid off for years. The one credit card I have is with the Base and that gets paid on every month. So what is the deal?!

I don't understand and it is making me upset. I want to get a new couch or something to start rebuilding my credit but every time I do a credit check it dings my credit and it just makes me upset. All these just because cards that are "pre approved" or whatever where they say you are approved every time are lies. I just want to rebuild my credit!! so bad!!

Suggestions? Anything? I am open to it.

I'm moving.

I never realized like fully how much stress comes with moving and living alone. I feel like I am overwhelmed and panicked all the time!

First I moved the dogs over here, along with an air mattress to sleep on with them here. Now I have been bringing over some things little by little. But tonight when I went over there there was a funny feeling about the apartment. Maybe it is just because I have been in love with the house basically and haven't been over there in a few days.... but yeah, it is crazy...


Moving seriously is stressing me out. I feel like I need to drink or sleep all the time.

I may be going crazy..

So lately I have been having all these ideas and thoughts and wonderings about what it would be like to have a baby... I'm gonna be 23 this year. I had always thought that by this age I would be done with school, planning a wedding, talking about children...

It's just funny how fast your life can change. So many what ifs unanswered ... But you can't live in a world of what if. You just have to live. You have to let go of the past and move on.

New Year, New Me! 2013 Watch Out!

I guess its that time of the year when people start talking about what they are gonna do different for the new year! I am a guilty of it.

1. Tone up my body!
     - I am gonna start treating my body better. Not eating out as much, more home cooked meals, not as much soda but more juice. Working out, going to the gym more than 4 times a week. I am even going to start working out more at home. I have a spare room that is gonna be my workout/craft/reading room.

2. Save money.
   - Its pretty simple. If I don't need it I am not buying it.

3. Read more.
   - I have several books ready to go but I plan to read more and start school again.



eek. I hope everyone has an amazing New Year. :)

Day 1 of no FACEBOOK!

Today was great. I was a little lonely with it just being me and the puppies but it was great. I got up around noon, took the puppies outside for their walks/potty, went to Wal - Mart (I hate shopping there but they had some really cute puppy toys for Christmas), stopped got myself some lunch and came home to spend the rest of the day baking brownies and watching Desperate Housewives! 

Eventful right?

I was doing a lot of thinking today. Some good and some bad, a lot of it about my relationship status. I feel like at this point in my marriage I shouldn't give up and walk away. On the other hand, we have been growing apart for a while and it feels like thats already been done. I don't want to go into much detail because this should and will be a private matter (although I do ask people some times for their opinions I try not to give away too much of what I am thinking/feeling). But lately, I have been second guessed every action I have ever made. Did we get married too young? Should we have waited? Was it really worth losing probably one of the greatest friends ever? The answers always change, yes, no, maybe, yes, no, maybe... yes. This is the problem. All of these questions are basically pretty much "What ifs." I don't want to live in a world of "what if", I want to know! 

Now I understand I can't change the past, I can however learn. I can learn to listen. I can learn to ask for help when I don't know something. I can learn how to be a better friend. I can learn how to be a better person all around. Part of my 2013 resolutions is to better myself (this will be another blog sometime this weekend about my RESOLUTIONS!). I still have a lot of learning and growing to do. 

If you know my mom, go wish her a Happy Birthday :) 

Merry Christmas Eve everyone. 

Mad.

I am so angry. I am so angry. I am so angry. I am so angry I am seeing red. Can't explain to you why because honestly I don't know. I woke up this morning fine, said my goodbyes to Sarah and watched The Walking Dead.

Once I finally got out of bed I took care of the puppies, dropped stuff off to the Goodwill here in town, picked up Chipotle, came home started working on my friend's Christmas present, finished up my family's gifts... Now I am just angry. Like really angry. Part of me thinks this is because I am alone on Christmas and New Years. Its just me and the dogs. You know I love them but this is not how it is suppose to be. I shouldn't be alone. I should be home with my family. I should be in Reno.

I know many of you are reading this and thinking whatever it is you are thinking and to be honest I don't care anymore. I have found out who my true friends are, the ones who are always there and don't just turn to me when they only "need" something from me. So I don't need to sugar coat my life anymore. I will post what I want. I will be open with my words. I am changing my actions and my words for the better. I am making myself better and walking away from the drama. If you still want to be friends with me in 2013 than I am open to it. I want you to be my friend, but if you are only in my life because you need a good story then start deleting yourself off my page and out of my life because I am done with it, all of it.

I am over the drama. I am over the rumors.

I would rather be alone and happy then surrounded by the fake people and rumors making me feel awful about myself.

I am better than this. I am better.