Where the heck has this year gone?! January 15, 2013 marks one year since I moved to Ohio, changed my entire life because I had this dream of doing something greater for my life and now I don't know what I want. Its like every time I find something I want or I think could work it gets thrown back in my face. Like ha ha fool, jokes on you! It really makes me mad. I get upset and then the little green monster shows up, because I am watching everyone else achieve while I am failing. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
HATE is such a strong word but it is needed for today's thoughts. I hate the fact that I was lied too. When I knew what was gonna happen but I let myself get my hopes up anyway. I hate the fact that I am trying to show people I am trying to be a better person but they just blow me off or joke around like it doesn't hurt my feelings. I seriously am not as strong as I let on. I haven't cried in a while and yet today, today I wanted to. I wanted to pull over on the side of the road and just cry. I needed it, let me tell you... I really need it. I still haven't cried. I won't let myself cry. Not even tomorrow, not while I am baking my pepperoni pizza in the oven, sitting at home watching christmas movies by myself, with my two puppies... Nope it won't happen. I am going to just sit there and act like it is every other day. Heck maybe I might even start packing up the kitchen. Need to get it done. Only a month or so until move in day. I am freaking stoked.
Went to the gym today. It was a short work out. When I say short I mean short. I went in there was on the elepitcal for 10 minutes, rowed for 5, did 150 sit ups, and stretched. I wanted to go home and I still needed to get to Target before they closed so I could get the puppies their treats before tomorrow when everything closes for Thanksgiving. My day was pretty uneventful, besides me having a pity party.. but whatever. It is done. I am getting ready for bed, plan to sleep as long as I can this weekend, working out at home and just enjoying being off.
I am also putting my phone on do not disturb so I can only hear phone calls, I am ignoring text messages and any other ways of communication tomorrow because I feel like it. I am suppose to skype with my family back home but thats about it.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Be thankful for what you have and keep our troops in your prayers tomorrow night.
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