Just for me.. and maybe my puppies :)

WHAT A DAY! I say this with a yawn. I am so tired. I had such an exhausting day. I tested out of my CDCs, I get my 5 level on Jan 17 and I got a haircut.

I took today off from the gym because I have my PT test tomorrow morning and I wanted to rest up my legs. I am so ready for this. I even have a pacer to go with me so I am hoping that it will be good and I will pass. It is the only part of the test I have to take. I am kind of excited. Even though if I pass I still have to take it in 6 months because I will be on a profile this time.

I seriously had some depressing thoughts today. I am not sure what they meant but I am worried about it.. :/

Tonight its about me.

Seriously, after every workout I feel extremely better about myself. I stand a little taller, smile a little more and look in the mirror and think "Damn!" ... Its to the point where I have officially decided that the shower after an awesome workout is WAY better than sex... (if you know me, you know whats going there... ) Todays work out was great! I did 15 minutes on the bike and I RAN for 20 minutes! I didn't stop. I got a little of a side ache but I kept breathing and it went away. I am so proud of myself. Can't wait to kick that PT test's butt!

Anywho! I am just sitting here all clean now trying to decide what to do for dinner because I don't want to ruin the work I just put in.. but then I remember I get to do it again tomorrow. :) And this is probably the shortest entry ever because I am the most uninteresting person ever... but I don't care. Tonight I feel great about myself. So great I think I am going to chipotle for dinner... or Thai... lol :)

Why can't it just be free?!

Seriously, I really do think some things are WAY over charged for. Just because it is a certain color, it has be another $100 for that and for this... Moving and trying to get things for the new house is making me grumpy and extremely unhappy.

I wanted to get another couch for the living room because it was going to be bigger than here and I wanted to have more space for people to sit. Sadly, this dream is quickly fading. And with the holidays here I am using money to send gifts back home.. and like I don't know. I am just trying to get my life in order with the move.

I have like 104598679327849834 things going on in my head and so many things that need to get done in order to move that I feel like I am not getting anything done. Like this week, I have physical therapy, my PT test and my test for my 5 level. I am stressing myself! I need to slow down but I can't. I need to breathe but thats kind of difficult when it feels like my entire world is resting on my shoulders.

Not to make anything better, but Bella got really sick this morning TWICE! The second time required her to get a bath because she like laid down in it. I got up because I could smell it and she was standing, in the middle of her kennel with the saddest look on her face. After her bath she just laid down and waited for me to clean her kennel and she seems to be fine now since she ate Peanuts food from this morning.. bleh.

Its Sunday. I should probably go finish my cleaning. bleh. bleh. bleh.

A day to just be upset.

Where the heck has this year gone?! January 15, 2013 marks one year since I moved to Ohio, changed my entire life because I had this dream of doing something greater for my life and now I don't know what I want. Its like every time I find something I want or I think could work it gets thrown back in my face. Like ha ha fool, jokes on you! It really makes me mad. I get upset and then the little green monster shows up, because I am watching everyone else achieve while I am failing. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

HATE is such a strong word but it is needed for today's thoughts. I hate the fact that I was lied too. When I knew what was gonna happen but I let myself get my hopes up anyway. I hate the fact that I am trying to show people I am trying to be a better person but they just blow me off or joke around like it doesn't hurt my feelings. I seriously am not as strong as I let on. I haven't cried in a while and yet today, today I wanted to. I wanted to pull over on the side of the road and just cry. I needed it, let me tell you... I really need it. I still haven't cried. I won't let myself cry. Not even tomorrow, not while I am baking my pepperoni pizza in the oven, sitting at home watching christmas movies by myself, with my two puppies... Nope it won't happen. I am going to just sit there and act like it is every other day. Heck maybe I might even start packing up the kitchen. Need to get it done. Only a month or so until move in day. I am freaking stoked.

Went to the gym today. It was a short work out. When I say short I mean short. I went in there was on the elepitcal for 10 minutes, rowed for 5, did 150 sit ups, and stretched. I wanted to go home and I still needed to get to Target before they closed so I could get the puppies their treats before tomorrow when everything closes for Thanksgiving. My day was pretty uneventful, besides me having a pity party.. but whatever. It is done. I am getting ready for bed, plan to sleep as long as I can this weekend, working out at home and just enjoying being off.

I am also putting my phone on do not disturb so I can only hear phone calls, I am ignoring text messages and any other ways of communication tomorrow because I feel like it. I am suppose to skype with my family back home but thats about it.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Be thankful for what you have and keep our troops in your prayers tomorrow night.  

Get Sexy?

Oh my goodness. It has been like 4 days since I last posted. I took the weekend off from the gym because one I didn't want to push myself too hard the first week and second because I was pretty busy this last weekend. Saturday I spent studying and running around looking for things to do. I went to Hooters for the first time on Saturday night. It was interesting, lots of greasy food and it made me regret not going to the gym or doing something during the day. Sunday I went to Columbus for the morning and in the afternoon I took a new friend to go furniture shopping. It was an interesting day to say the least. I enjoyed getting to spend time with friends this weekend and it made me feel at peace with myself for a while.

I am working out a good 45 minutes at the gym every day. I tend to stay to the same routine, nothing to depending until I get off of my profile for my wrist and I am working my legs hard so that when I run it is gonna be pretty easy (or so I hope). I  am mainly working on getting my heart rate up for about 30 minutes and keeping it there but some times I slack, let it drop a little but it gets right back up there pretty fast. I am in love with breaking a sweat.

I took these tonight.. Kind of like my beginning point pictures aka week 1. Probably gonna get into some trouble for posting these but I don't care because this is my blog and I want to track my progress. Currently this week I have been doing 20-25 minutes on the elepictal, 30 reps of different size weights on this leg machine, and rowing for about 10-15 minutes. Of course I stretch and do a bit of a cool down. 

I am actually proud of myself for sticking to this. I have my bag packed and ready for tomorrow. Gonna hit up the gym in the basement and get a good workout in, go to Target to buy a medicine ball for Thursday since almost every gym is closed and some puppy treats. Sounds like the life right? :D

Operation: Get Sexy Day 2!!

MY LEGS ARE JELLO!!! Seriously, I am like in enjoyable pain. I spent an hour and a half at the gym. I feel like I could of done more again today but like I wanted to go out tonight. Now, after I took my shower all I want to do is curl up in bed and cuddle with someone.

It was great day. I came home to only one accident by yet again Peanut and some hungry puppies. I love them to death but I wish I had help still some days. Especially when I feel sick, like tonight. I developed a small headache after my shower and it is just ugh.. 3 flights of stairs.. 2 big puppies and 1 me... ouch.

Oh and incase you were wondering, dinner tonight after my workout was a $5 BLT Footlong from Subway. It was amazing and made my tummy happy. I believe tomorrow is gonna be just a simple morning work out and then relax for the rest of the day. Only one more day until my complete day off from working out!

And by the way, if you aren't on pinterest yet you should be. You find awesome things like this!

Operation: Get Sexy.

It was started today. I spent an hour in the gym. 20 minutes on the treadmill thing, worked out my legs and got a little arm action. I am pretty impressed with it. I am gonna have to say that my min time in the gym is going to be an hour and max is gonna be three. When I was there I just wanted to keep going. It felt like the best feeling in the world.

I am doing this for myself. No one else. I can't wait to see what this is gonna be in a couple weeks. My work out plan is going to be Monday thru Saturday giving myself Sunday for my day off. I have a PT test in two weeks and I need to be ready for it. Not just for the PT test but because I want to be healthy and fit and keep a flat stomach when I sit down.

I do not own that picture. I got it from Pinterest. :)

Just an apology.

I have hurt people in the past, never intentionally but I have. It caused me to lose one of my closest friends, that I was considered to be my bestie even after stupid things happened and choices I made. I know that I should of talked to you more, let you give me advice when I needed it the most and I failed at it. 

I want you to know that I care about you deeply, I want only the best for you. I truly wish you happiness no matter where life takes you. I want us to be friends again and not just through FaceBook. I want to have a conversation with you. I don't want you to be mad at me, I want to be able to move this past and be friends again. Yes I realize we can't go back and be besties but I want you in my life. 

I truly do miss talking to you. Especially when I have so much to share with you. 

Hot dogs with mustard, chili and ... jelly?

The most conversations I have with my co workers. Today was a great day. I got to basically precept someone today and scrub in a "Dr Fester" case by myself. Festering the cords has always been a pain for me but not today! I totally rocked it. I guess once you start scrubbing more you just get the hang of it that much faster. Greatest feeling ever!

I am going to Central Processing next week to cover someone's shift while he goes on leave and thankfully I won't have to adjust my sleep schedule for it. Which if you have ever bounced around on work schedules you understand why I am thankful for it! I feel extremely accomplished at work when things like this happen to me. I love that in January I will have my 5 level and its gonna be grand!

Bella and Peanut adjusted to today's schedule very well. I came home to only one accident by Peanut and a Bella girl who was just about getting loved on when mom got home. :D

JEEP! Seriously, I love my jeep... but to get it fixed or worked on is gonna be the most expensive thing even. Worse than my Jetta and I never thought that would be possible. But I am currently at this moment looking at what else I can cut out of my budget to save more to raise the $2300 to fix what is wrong with the jeep.. ugh.



Wheres my meatloaf? lol ...

Gossip. Gossip. Gossip.

I freaking love Gossip Girl. I am not sure why but it is like my guilty pleasure. I like watching it on Mondays after work.. But sadly I forgot it was on last night and I had to watch it tonight via the internet but whatever. It was still good.

Today has been rather relaxing. I got up took care of the puppies, dropped the Jeep off at the dealership, took my first pre test to my last CDC test and even got a catnap in today! With my jeep I feel like it is my baby, so when they told me they were keeping her overnight I kind of freaked a little bit because even though I complain about her a lot, she's still my baby and this is the first time she has had to be away from me. So cheesy but whatever. I get to drive a sweet 200 Chrysler thing, and it makes me miss driving a small car... until I remember that I now own a jeep and can take the puppies to more places. My CDC pre test was not that great. I scored a 69%. Not my best score on anything.. I am studying a lot more before next week when the real test is because I need to do better. My last test I took I scored a 86%.. bleh, wish me luck!

I think my puppies are over living in the apartment. I often wonder if they miss our home in Minot. They were always outside (even though they had to be on chains...) and had the whole living room to play in, and just move space in general. I wonder if they are gonna be happier at the new place when I leave them run outside in our new place. This will be the first place that they have a fenced in yard, with open running space and it makes me happy when I think about it. Its like my heart is smiling for their happiness.

My new place is SURROUNDED by my co workers! I am not exactly sure how to feel about this but I am going to be ok for now. At least I am sure I won't be worried about missing work or having problems with the snow and grass and other silly things like that. I am really excited to move. I need to still find a washer and dryer. I have to decided to wait on buying a nicer television until my birthday because I am going to save up for it.

Moving day in ... 58 ish days!!

Annoyed.

No better way to say it. I am mad at the fact that I bend over backwards to help people out, go out of my way to do stuff with them and the one time I actually want to see people they are unable to help or do anything..

I guess I should know better by now with them but I never learn. I always try to think that next time will be different but it never is. It looks like I may be having to cut a few more other people out of my life for good. I am done with being hurt, especially by my "friends."

And as I am sitting here writing this I have two furry faces staring me because they are hating the fact that they have to be in their kennels for 13 hours tomorrow. Hopefully Tuesday will help get their schedules back in order. I am not proud of the fact that I have to keep them in the kennels and get limited time out of them :( I need to find a puppy sitter..

A day in the life of an OR Tech..

ON THE WEEKEND! Seriously, I think working weekend days is more work than scrubbing Monday thru Friday. I am responsible for making sure all the instruments and equipment is ready to go for "Monday" when we start work again... BUT oh my, spending 10 to 12 hours in Central Supply and Storage is a bit much. I swear, every Saturday I come in thats what my day is. Taking care of CS. running the last of instruments sets and cleaning. I thought we were all suppose to have the same work ethic Monday thru Friday, not just get to Friday and not give a crap, especially when it comes to patient safety! I wish we had more people to help evenings but sadly we are slightly undermanned and can't do much about it...

On a positive note besides the fact that I might actually get to nap tomorrow at work, my puppies didn't make that big of a mess today while I was gone! 13 hours in their kennels and very little mess made for one happy mama. But they were not happy about the fact that I still made them go to bed at 9 like always. :( ...

It was a Chick fil a kind of night. I need to get better at cooking at home. I need recipes for one person... I don't want to eat ramen. I am kind of over egg sandwiches and peanut butter and jelly.. And I have a PT test in two weeks.. NEED TO GET IN SHAPE!

Not looking forward to this week, I feel like it is going to go by too fast..

What do you with a day off..

Honestly, I feel like sometimes my days off are wasted by me. I usually end up doing nothing important and the stuff I have to get done I drag and forget about doing it.

That wasn't the case today. Nah, I slept until 0830 (which is a big deal if you know me), got up took care of my puppies and watched Christmas movies for the better half of the morning. Basically until I realized I didn't own Elf and that needed to be fixed! :) So I got myself ready, went to Target and purchased Elf and a surprise buy of the $5.00 THE FRAY CD.. I was pretty excited and it is what I am currently listening to. A non important part of my day was when I took my friend to work and got to meet his family, it is always nice to meet up with people even if it is just for a few minutes.

So after I dropped him off I came home, let the puppies out of their kennels, watched Elf and the NEWS! Ok, so no joke I normally don't watch the news because it constantly reminds me of how much evil there is in the world and I am just trying to be positive.. but yeah, like ugh.. I turned it off. In the first 5 minutes they had reported like 5 murders, 2 suspects, and like 3 deaths.. I was over it. Although while I was watching the news, I made the first puppy bed! I am really excited about it. Bella loves it and keeps laying on it. Peanut wants nothing to do with it but I am hoping that will change because that is going to be there spot in the new place.

 The Puppy Bed - Have got to love the cut and tie method!

Bella laying on her bed for the first time! with out me making her. :D

But not only did I make one of their beds today I also made my positive cup. I learned that it works best with only black sharpie and not the colored ones. The color faded which kind of made me sad, but I got over it because the "good morning beautiful" is still there.

                                         

Nothing really happened today besides me doing a lot of thinking. Especially about life and what my future plans are.. and my work and my friends.. Sheesh. It was deep though. Can't believe I have to work tomorrow. Going to be a long weekend but I can do this. 

Time to watch The Princess Diaries. Have an awesome Veterans Day weekend. 

Hello again..

I haven't been on this in a while and honestly I don't know who is following anymore. But oh my goodness has a lot of things gone down.

Nate and I are separating. Can't really say much more than that on here because frankly this situation doesn't need to be over Facebook. I don't need people's advice about what to do or how to handle the situation, unless I ask.

I am stationed in Dayton. I work as a Surgical Tech in the Operation Room and I get to help with surgery.. thats cool, right? Of course it is until you get stuck with a needle and have to get blood drawn.  But then a plus side is seeing a new life being born.. eh. It is a good job...

Bella and Peanut are getting big. Adjusting to the new schedule very well besides the fact that I feel like they don't get enough water but I always give them a little extra when I get home from work.

I seriously hate how much of a scatter brain I am when I blog. like I have this idea I want to write about but I don't want to go the wrong way with it. My life is so upside down right now. I have no idea what I want, NONE. I have no idea of what I want out of life... But what I do know is I want to be happy. No matter where I end up.

Honestly think that is it for now.. I am going to find my voice again.