Random thoughts of a girl in a drink state.

I feel like my heart is breaking. I am reaching out for you but gettin nothing in return. I want to cry but I can't. I am craving you but I can't tell you. I have this idea in my head and I can't reach it. 

I am just trying to figure this out. I don't want to be hurt anymore. Just fix me. I am so emotionally damaged and I cry when I am alone. I dream about you... I crave you. 

I wish you were here. 

This is my life.... right?

Lately, I have been feeling like I don't really have much control over what I have doing. Monday through Friday I work, sometimes I work Saturday and Sunday but when I am not at work I am at home, studying. I can't help but question if I am truly happy or just going through the emotions.

I have been questioning a lot of my actions recently. I think before I can be in a relationship with anyone I need to work on myself. I am going to sign up for some sessions to be able to talk to someone about my life. Not just my friends, but someone who is trained and went to school to listen to others and give advice/guidance on this subject. Not that listening and getting help from friends isn't awesome I just feel like sometimes they would rather have me follow them then make my own decisions.. but eh. I hope that statement doesn't bother anyone but its just time I face the truth. I need some professional help. I need to start going back to church on the regular. I need to just be by myself for a little bit. I have always had someone in my life but right now... I need me. I need to dance and get down and just have a good time.

I feel like this is going to be a very big step in my "adult life" but I am ready for it.

Should of been writing my essay.

This entry in my basically unread blog is a rant. Well more like a complain post... but I could care less because for right now this is just who I am and I want to post this.

Lets see, I am tired of all the fake people in my life. CLEARLY, I am not the coolest person ever but you don't have to be a dick about it. I have feelings and they get hurt extremely easily. Not that its any of your business because you could care less and we aren't friends but you are just so... I don't even know why I am so upset about this. It just makes me so upset because I graduated high school 5 years and I feel like I am still in it. I want out of it! I want out NOW!

I just want to have real friends. I mean I do have friends that I can call and I am so thankful for that but I want people to be here to be able to hang out and drink or gossip or actual shoulder to cry on.. I don't know. I just want to go do something with people who know how to have a good time.

And I just I don't know... I just need to be happy.

I want to be happy. I will be happy.

Random thought of the day, I miss writing poetry. I remember in high school and even before just always writing. My grandma loved my writing. I need to get back into it. Like yesterday.

Btw, Iron Man 3 is out now.

Night all.